Our ceremony was held at the Chapel at Mills College in Oakland, California. We chose this particular chapel because it is nondenominational, intimate, and beautiful inside.

Once you walk through the heavy wooden doors, there is a foyer area and rooms (a meeting room and the chaplain's office) to the left and right. Straight ahead is a window-lined hallway that leads to the main part of the chapel.

In the main part of the chapel, one is immediately struck by how unusual the room is -- it's actually round, with pews in semicircles around the central altar. There's also a skylight above, which allows light to filter in and light the altar.

In addition to the central altar, there's a pulpit (which we did not use) and an impressive looking pipe organ.

We're not exactly sure how many people the chapel will hold, but it was sufficient for our party of approximately 30 people. All of our guests fit comfortably in the first two rows of pews on either side of the altar.

The altar itself is kind of a Celtic cross hewn out of solid granite, set dead center between the pews on a short platform.

As you can see, we decorated with simple candles and a cloth with our wedding rings on it.

For an officiant, we had serious reservations about picking some random minister or Justice of the Peace with whom we had no relationship. We definitely wanted something more personal and meaningful to us.

As soon as we decided to get married, we immediately called our closest friend (at 3am), who was more or less responsible for us meeting in the first place. We asked her if we could have her ordained as a minister, and her first words were "Oh my god, you guys are getting married!?!" Within two days of that, she was indeed an ordained minister in the Universal Life Church.

We checked with the appropriate state and county authorities, and they verified that a minister ordained by the ULC was indeed legally allowed to perform marriages in the state of California.

Since our officiant had never performed a ceremony before, we ended up writing the ceremony ourselves, kind of like a script. Our officiant participated, of course, and the three of us contributed words, passages, readings, and ideas to the finished ceremony. This really gave us a great deal of control in what we wanted said during our ceremony, as well as some insight into how hard it is to say something meaningful without sounding corny.

Additionally, we wanted what was essentially an atheist wedding ceremony, and so we had the added challenge of avoiding the vast majority of content used at most weddings.

The ceremony went something like this:

[Officiant enters the chapel, proceeds down the aisle, and lights the candles on the altar]

Officiant – Please rise.

[Officiant nods toward the back of the chapel, and Jesse and Rachael proceed down the aisle, holding hands]

Officiant – You may be seated.

Opening Words

We are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of Rachael and Jesse. We come together not to mark the start of a relationship, but to recognize a bond that already exists. This ceremony is a public affirmation of that bond.

Rachael and Jesse, you have come here today from your varied life experiences to make public the commitment you have made to each other. You come to combine your two separate lives into one.
Although you will be sharing one life, never forget, you are two separate people. Cherish and affirm your differences. Love each other. Keep your commitment foremost in your mind and heart. Together you will laugh and cry, be sick and well, be happy and angry, share and grow.

If you will ensure a healthy lasting marriage, always, always value each other. Although you will disagree, remember to respect each other’s feelings, needs and wants. And above all, never, never lose your sense of humor.

I would like to read for you a few words which I feel are appropriate on this day.

From “The Couple’s Tao Te Ching: “A Sacred Space”, from the sixth century B.C.:

Your love requires space in which to grow.
This space must be safe enough
to allow your hearts to be revealed.
It must offer refreshment for your spirits
and renewal for your minds.
It must be a space made sacred
by the quality of your honesty,
attention, love, and compassion.
It may be anywhere,
Inside or out,
but it must exist.

From the Buddhist Marriage Homily:

To say the words love and compassion is easy. But to accept that love and compassion are built upon patience and perserverance is not easy. Your marriage will be firm and lasting if you remember this.

The Vows

Officiant – Jesse, do you come before this gathering of friends and family to proclaim your love and devotion for Rachael? Do you promise to support her, respect her, and care for her during times of joy and hardship? Do you commit yourself to share your feelings of happiness and sadness? Do you pledge to remain faithful to her?

[Jesse answers]

Officiant – Rachael, do you come before this gathering of friends and family to proclaim your love and devotion for Jesse? Do you promise to support him, respect him, and care for him during times of joy and hardship? Do you commit yourself to share your feelings of happiness and sadness? Do you pledge to remain faithful to him?

[Rachael answers]

The Exchange of Rings

Officiant – The rings you give and receive this day are the symbols of the endless love into which you enter as husband and wife. Such a love has no beginning and no ending, no giver and no receiver. You are each the beginning and the ending, each the giver and the receiver.

Officiant - Jesse?

Jesse - This ring symbolises my desire that you be my wife from this day forward. With this ring, I thee wed.

Officiant - Rachael?

Rachael - This ring symbolises my desire that you be my husband from this day forward. With this ring, I thee wed.

The Blessing

Officiant – [Addressing congregation]
Family and friends, this is a moment of celebration. Let it also be a moment of dedication. The world does a good job of reminding us of how fragile we are. Individuals are fragile; relationships are fragile too. Every marriage needs the love, nurture, and support of a network of friends and family. On this wedding day I ask you not only to be friends of Rachael or Jesse, but friends of Rachael and Jesse together, friends of the relationship.

[Addressing Rachael and Jesse]
Rachael and Jesse, may the love you have found grow in meaning and strength until its beauty is shown in common devotion to all that is compassionate and life-giving. May the flow of your love help brighten the face of the earth. May the source of all love touch and bless us and grace our lives with color and courage.

In closing, I would like to read to you these words from an Apache wedding prayer:

Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter to the other.
Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now you will feel no loneliness, for each of you will be a companion to the other.
Now you are two bodies, but there is only one life before you.
Go now to your dwelling place, to enter the days of your life together.
And may your days be good, and long upon the earth.

The Announcement

Rachael and Jesse, having witnessed your vows for marriage with all who are assembled here with you, I announce with great joy that you are from this time on, husband and wife.

You may kiss.